Some years ago, I went through a spell of insecurity, and at the time, I did not understand why. It was an ongoing battle for me – my dress, my hair, my position in life – all the vain things that did not matter on a grander scheme of things. Although I was successful in my chosen field, I was still unhappy that I moved to New York and felt like I was not wholly living my dreams as I should. I tried to find answers through other people’s ideas of me, their approval, and the things they did for me.
At first, I was in denial about being insecure, but I’ve learned just to be honest with myself. I wanted to be chosen. At times, I felt that I wasn’t good enough standing next to other models. I felt unsure of myself around high-powered women who seemingly had their careers together and exuded major confidence. I did a lot of self-sabotaging at fashion events and casting calls and lost out on opportunities because I was afraid of stepping into my greatness. I didn’t know where I was going with my vision as it was not clear. I remember thinking that this is all there is.
Then one day, at a fashion event huddled in a group with other models, an older woman approached us. She asked us if we ever heard the story of Queen Esther. She told us an evocative tale of how she was pampered with the best creams and potions for months before meeting the king. She was bold enough to approach his throne, and when he laid eyes on her, he wanted her to be his queen. After she finished the story, I was intrigued. I wanted to find out more. I realized then; I just needed a heroine to look up to, one that would inspire me. I could see her in myself, the boldness.
I realized that Queen Esther’s journey wasn’t just about meeting King Xerxes, her life was much more than that. It wasn’t just her beauty that won her into one of the best positions, for she was competing with many gorgeous women. It was the presence of God that put her front and center and her beauty had a profound impact on other’s lives. We feel better about ourselves when we stop being vain and selfish to focus on others. Queen Esther’s story inspires my bath line through self-care and also beauty preparation for love and success.
We should never hide ourselves or the talents God blessed us with, and we must make room for them in our lives. When we are living through our gifts, there is no need to feel inferior to others. Therefore, insecurity is non-existent in our realms.
I’ve learned that insecurity causes you to make the wrong decisions with your life. It makes you choose the wrong career, the wrong relationships, overindulge with food, and steers you down the wrong path. I’ve found much more success in my chosen field as a model and business owner after breaking the spell of insecurity.
The question is, how does one become insecure? There are many ways. Mine were from the feeling of failures, rejections, loneliness, and perfectionism. I’ve learned to use my failures as lessons learned. I went out and met new female friends to stop being lonely. I worked on getting over perfectionism and let my art shine. Most of all, I let the Spirit of God lead my life. I chose me instead of waiting to be chosen.
What I found out was the most beautiful woman is the one who infuses God in every area of her life. True beauty comes from the Most High.
Who inspires you to do your best? Who is your heroine?